For over 10 years my husband and I were great friends with another couple. We became very close with them...almost as if they were family. Our families even spent a lot of holidays together.
Then their company started doing very well and they started making lots of money. And then they started spending lots of money. And I mean a lot of money. They bought a big house. Then a bigger house. Then a bigger house on the lake. Then a boat to go with the house. They bought fancy cars. Then they bought even fancier cars. And I mean really fancy cars in the six digits. They went on huge vacations to Europe and all over the world. They enrolled their kids in private schools. They didn't want to keep up with the Joneses, they wanted to be the Joneses.
All the while they tried to maintain their friendship with us, but it grew increasingly uncomfortable. If they wanted to go out to dinner with us on a weekend, they would hire a limo. And they wouldn't want to go to some average restaurant... it would have to be first class all the way. We were earning enough money that we could have afforded the fancy dinners and events now and then, but we saw it as throwing our money away. And to be honest, I've never been a fan of fancy restaurants and gourmet food anway. I'd much rather be at a backyard barbecue.
So we started declining their invitations more and more, until one day the invitations stopped coming. And I have to tell you it was a relief. It made me realize how much money had come to rule their lives, and I can honestly say, I don't think they were any happier when they had the extra money and they were definitely less fun to be around.
We haven't talked to them in a long time. I miss the friends we had in the beginning, who would sit out on the porch talking and laughing for hours. But by the end of the friendship, I felt enormous pressure to spend money just to hang out with them and I don't miss that at all.
So have you ever broken up with a friend over money?
Breaking up with friends over money
June 22nd, 2010 at 03:38 pm
June 22nd, 2010 at 03:41 pm 1277221292
June 22nd, 2010 at 03:44 pm 1277221458
I wonder if the reason why they invited you guys is because your friendship what makes them happy, and not the money? If so, they are poorer than ever for it.
But I'm not saying it's your fault or anything. Certainly, financial incompatibilities can occur in friendships.
June 22nd, 2010 at 05:26 pm 1277227614
June 22nd, 2010 at 05:43 pm 1277228590
June 22nd, 2010 at 06:51 pm 1277232711
We had another set of friends that kept spending after we started our frugal journey. We assumed they could afford it unlike us, based on their professions. Turns out they were on the brink of ruin and about to lose their house. They pulled back and got on a budget...for a few months, until they started spending again. Now they ARE losing their house. So our disappointment and worry for them has damaged the relationship, as well as not feeling comfortable sharing our own financial triumphs as we did for those few months...
June 22nd, 2010 at 07:29 pm 1277234962
In your situation though, it sounds like they changed a lot. Going out to a nicer restaurant or to a fancier event is one thing, but the limo and other trappings is another.
Outgrowing a friendship can be sad, but it happens.
June 23rd, 2010 at 12:39 am 1277253597
I don't mind - it is the company that I value. But I do wonder, when she qualifies and starts earning more money - what's going to happen to her spending habits? She says that it will just mean she will have more money to save, but I think she will adjust her spending habits to suit her income - in a bad way!
Even though I am FAAAAARRRRR away from ever arriving at a restaurant in a limo (HA! like I would ever, anyway) your story strikes a chord because in this situation, I'm the one with more money. But on the flipside, I'm not the one that wants to spend it all!
June 25th, 2010 at 10:49 am 1277462951
Jerry